I have thoughts on many things today. I don't know if I will get them all down, before a bunch of people enter my office and actually want me to work, but let's see how it goes. If this post seems scattered, welcome to the way my brain has been for the last week.
First, I want to make a confession to you all. I have completely sold out to the internet. I am now doing all of the things I thought I would never do. I repeatedly insisted that I would not join Facebook, be someone who twitters, and I have even resisted starting an actual blog for quite some time, opting instead for group emails, and even blogging on myspace. I am now doing all of those things. I have to admit twittering is pretty fun. If you would like to follow me, I am jenjackson15 on twitter. There, the first step is admitting you have a problem...Done.
Okay, let's talk about the Bachelorette. Wow. I don't know if I am gonna be able to stomach Jillian's Canadian accent for the entire season. Ooot instead of Out. Aboot instead of about. Come on. Jason got a personal trainer, and we can't get Jillian someone to help her accent along? Whoever Brad Pitt used for Benjamin Button is available probably, and we could definitely get whoever Leo used as coach in Blood Diamond at a significant discount. Any improvement would be appreciated. Come on, ABC. I am begging here.
Also, a word on the names of the hopefuls: We have a Mathue (pronounced Matthew) and a Kiptyn. If you had named a girl Kiptyn, there is no way she doesn't end up dancing at a strip club or on Rock of Love, possibly both. If you are named Mathue or Kiptyn as guys, I would guess you would either be able to handle yourself in a fight or at the very least know how to take a beating. I guess we will see. Either way, I encourage all of you who are thinking of names for your children, name them with care. Because I think we can all agree that Kiptyn and Mathue are not words that should be anywhere on a birth certificate, and I am including animals in this.
Next up, American Idol final performance last night. I want to go on record that I think Adam Lambert just screams into the microphone, and he is not a pop star, more like an actor playing a bad guy in a musical on Broadway, or even a singer in one of those bars that you stick your head into and immediately leave because you're scared that someone will spike your drink and you will wake up in a bathtub full of ice without one of your kidneys. When he came up from under the stage wearing that long, black coat I thought the apocalypse was upon us. I don't think Kris is going to be a person who will one day make it into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame, but he is more of the pop star this contest proposes to find, isn't he? Clearly, there is a lot of people voting who disagree with me, I just hope that Kris can manage to get one more vote than Adam, and Adam slinks off into the night to sleep upside down or whatever he does when he isn't scaring the hell out of me.
Okay, the fact that I can talk about television that long without getting into the Lost or Grey's finales (Wow on both counts) leads me into the next subject. I am now officially a fat ass. I think I have gained about 700 pounds since I moved here. That is mainly thanks to Reggie and Shelly's cooking, which I still go eat at least a couple of times a week. So what am I going to do about it? Well, I went and looked at bicycles, which I will get eventually. But in the meantime, I got a Wii fit. It is so fun. So I am on the clock for getting more fit. I have already lowered my Wii fit age from 50 (yikes!) to 26. Pretty soon, I won't be old enough to drink whilst on the Wii fit board. More to come on my progress.
Okay, one quick story before I get done and actually do some work while in the office. Monday night, I went over to the Jordans for Bachelorette and food (I told you I was a fat ass). As I am sitting on the couch, Emma (the four year-old) was sitting quietly on the floor coloring. Reggie forgot to change the channel back in time. Jokingly, I said, "Dammit Reggie." And then in her sweet angelic voice Emma said, "Dammit Daddy." And just kept coloring. Needless to say, I am taking Friday off of work to go help Shelly paint at their new house.
Talk to you soon, Internet. Happy Hump Day.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
How Hard It Would Be to Kidnap a Kid
Hello again, all. I wanted to take a moment to let you know that some crimes are easy to commit. Others- not so much. I was assigned the job of child picker-upper for the Jordan girls yesterday. Shelly is out of town in Lexington at corporate meetings, and her husband Reggie, mayor of Eugene (unofficial title) was playing in Mike Belotti's golf tournament that was going to go long since he got moved to the afternoon flight.
Either way, I was excited to pick the kids up because I have seen Emma run across the playground to her mother so I was hoping that she would just walk fast toward me...I don't requre much in the way of kids' appreciation. However, I didn't know what I had signed up for.
For those of you who don't know, I am a direction-tard. I don't know if that is an official disease, but it should be. I could not find my way around a block. For that reason, I pay for the Verizon (Verison, if you're English) Navigator on my phone. It's supposed to get me from here to there if I can manage to get an address into the phone under the "destination" slot. so when Shelly proposed picking up kids I only asked that I got an address. She had enough of an idea for me to plug it in to google and get the actual address.
As part of the plan, I needed to drive Shelly's car to get the girls. It's weird, but my car does not include car seats (I KNOW, so many kids, not enough carseats). So thank goodness, I went and exchanged cars at lunch time. However, the Jordans have a listed house, so I noticed that there were folks in there already. I knew where the spare key and the $20 that Reggie had left me for the car and dinner that we were headed toward. However, I didn't want to scare the folks in the house by sneaking in and then the Volvo was gone that they saw earlier...After announcing myself, it was clear that these people wouldn't have cared even if they had come down the stairs and seen me taking the television, I don't know that they would have stopped me, but whatever. Either way, I switched cars. Thank goodness.
Soooooooo, every Monday, we have a staff meeting. Most days, it starts at 4 and ends at 4:25. However, this week, it ended at 5:22. I know, and I recognize that it's bad luck. Again, this wouldn't be a big issue if I wasn't a direction-tard. I had already run the address that Shelly had given me and found the actual place that these kids were staying. Sooooo, I plugged it in and I headed for glory. However, half way there, the damn lady told me to turn and I did. Unfortunately, she said that I was no longer on a road. I can assure you, internet, that I was not in a field. I turned when she told me to....Only that was apparently stupid (oops, not allowed to say that via Emma so "silly"). So I stopped at a gas station where the toothless woman helped me find it. That was pretty sweet because I told her the road, and she had no idea. She had to pull up a map and tell me where I was going and it took her a couple minutes to let me know where I was going. I guess the point would be that it is HARD to find a daycare center (centre if you're in Europe).
I got to the daycare, and that is where Shelly's page-long directions came in handy. I had to punch in a code to get in the door. Then, I had to let them know who I was, which, thank goodness, Reggie had remembered to tell them was me. Then I had to recite the girls' names (first, middle, and last) and then my own...Just to get these kids.
I felt like a damn felon. They were fun on the way home, though, which made me laugh. Thank the Sweet Lord that Shelly left me some goldfish for the ride home.
Either way, I was excited to pick the kids up because I have seen Emma run across the playground to her mother so I was hoping that she would just walk fast toward me...I don't requre much in the way of kids' appreciation. However, I didn't know what I had signed up for.
For those of you who don't know, I am a direction-tard. I don't know if that is an official disease, but it should be. I could not find my way around a block. For that reason, I pay for the Verizon (Verison, if you're English) Navigator on my phone. It's supposed to get me from here to there if I can manage to get an address into the phone under the "destination" slot. so when Shelly proposed picking up kids I only asked that I got an address. She had enough of an idea for me to plug it in to google and get the actual address.
As part of the plan, I needed to drive Shelly's car to get the girls. It's weird, but my car does not include car seats (I KNOW, so many kids, not enough carseats). So thank goodness, I went and exchanged cars at lunch time. However, the Jordans have a listed house, so I noticed that there were folks in there already. I knew where the spare key and the $20 that Reggie had left me for the car and dinner that we were headed toward. However, I didn't want to scare the folks in the house by sneaking in and then the Volvo was gone that they saw earlier...After announcing myself, it was clear that these people wouldn't have cared even if they had come down the stairs and seen me taking the television, I don't know that they would have stopped me, but whatever. Either way, I switched cars. Thank goodness.
Soooooooo, every Monday, we have a staff meeting. Most days, it starts at 4 and ends at 4:25. However, this week, it ended at 5:22. I know, and I recognize that it's bad luck. Again, this wouldn't be a big issue if I wasn't a direction-tard. I had already run the address that Shelly had given me and found the actual place that these kids were staying. Sooooo, I plugged it in and I headed for glory. However, half way there, the damn lady told me to turn and I did. Unfortunately, she said that I was no longer on a road. I can assure you, internet, that I was not in a field. I turned when she told me to....Only that was apparently stupid (oops, not allowed to say that via Emma so "silly"). So I stopped at a gas station where the toothless woman helped me find it. That was pretty sweet because I told her the road, and she had no idea. She had to pull up a map and tell me where I was going and it took her a couple minutes to let me know where I was going. I guess the point would be that it is HARD to find a daycare center (centre if you're in Europe).
I got to the daycare, and that is where Shelly's page-long directions came in handy. I had to punch in a code to get in the door. Then, I had to let them know who I was, which, thank goodness, Reggie had remembered to tell them was me. Then I had to recite the girls' names (first, middle, and last) and then my own...Just to get these kids.
I felt like a damn felon. They were fun on the way home, though, which made me laugh. Thank the Sweet Lord that Shelly left me some goldfish for the ride home.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Welcome to My New Blog
Hello, everyone! Friends, invited family members, random people searching the internet for witty banter about a single, 30 year-old Southern transplant living in Eugene, OR - land of the political bumper sticker, Track Town USA, and where hippies come to die.
It's hard to introduce the wonder that is me in one simple blog post. Things you can expect in this space include commentary about television, complaints about things that bother me, and little tidbit stories from the interesting things that happen to me.
I am from Alabama; I went to KU for undergrad, so I am a Jayhawk for sure. However, after I went to KU I came back to Tuscaloosa, where I received a law degree from U of Alabama, a top 30 law school in the country...that's not bragging because after practicing law for 2 and a half years, I threw in the towel. I packed up my stuff (well, everything but that towel I threw), and I drove my 1997 Montero across country for a new job in Oregon that was not lawyering. Since I now work in Oregon, I cheer for the Ducks when they play, for the Crimson Tide from a distance, and the Jayhawks with all my heart and soul! I like really bad televison- my DVR is littered with shows like RW/RR Challenge: The Duel and The Cougar (It's on TVLand people!).
I love cheese grits, sweet tea, and anything that comes off of the grill at the Jordan household (you will meet them, they are my lifesavers!). I enjoy a good verbal joust, Charles Barkley interviews, and watching people fall down. My dislikes include people that drive slowly in the left lane, asparagus, the exclamation point, and World's Strongest Man contests (Seriously, who needs to pull a semi-truck by a rope with their teeth? This should not be a marketable skill. I propose they all become Sumo wrestlers- now that's entertainment!)
At this moment, I am incredibly out of shape, and that point was driven home when I played in an outdoor volleyball tournament at Autzen Stadium this past Saturday...I am now sore, sunburnt, and feeling older than I should. I would like to say that this will turn into motivation to work out, but I am not inclined to lie to you, internet.
I will say that the whole day was fun, though. Being the competitive group that we were, we played "poorly but with enthusiasm" as Kent would say. I am pretty sure that overall, we set the sport of volleyball back at least 30 years, but we had a good time, and made it to the semi-finals before losing to the U of Oregon basketball team, who had also picked up the DS of the year in the Pac-10 to play for them. I wanted to call "Bollocks" on that because they drafted her from a losing team, but really I was just mad that we didn't think of it first.
All in all, it was a pretty day to play, and even though I spent the last day of my weekend praying for death because of the dreaded triple S: Soreness, sunburn, and Sunday Blahs, it was a great day. I also achieved my "base burn" so now I can be my patented summer medium rare.
Busy afternoon because I am picking up the Jordan girls from daycare for the first time, so we will see if they are crazy enough to let a couple of toddlers go home with me...Hee Hee!
I am now going to send out the URL to this blog to my friends and (selected) family. I will be monitoring the number of people who visit constantly because I like to see the number of views as an ego boost (or deflator), you can decide.
It's hard to introduce the wonder that is me in one simple blog post. Things you can expect in this space include commentary about television, complaints about things that bother me, and little tidbit stories from the interesting things that happen to me.
I am from Alabama; I went to KU for undergrad, so I am a Jayhawk for sure. However, after I went to KU I came back to Tuscaloosa, where I received a law degree from U of Alabama, a top 30 law school in the country...that's not bragging because after practicing law for 2 and a half years, I threw in the towel. I packed up my stuff (well, everything but that towel I threw), and I drove my 1997 Montero across country for a new job in Oregon that was not lawyering. Since I now work in Oregon, I cheer for the Ducks when they play, for the Crimson Tide from a distance, and the Jayhawks with all my heart and soul! I like really bad televison- my DVR is littered with shows like RW/RR Challenge: The Duel and The Cougar (It's on TVLand people!).
I love cheese grits, sweet tea, and anything that comes off of the grill at the Jordan household (you will meet them, they are my lifesavers!). I enjoy a good verbal joust, Charles Barkley interviews, and watching people fall down. My dislikes include people that drive slowly in the left lane, asparagus, the exclamation point, and World's Strongest Man contests (Seriously, who needs to pull a semi-truck by a rope with their teeth? This should not be a marketable skill. I propose they all become Sumo wrestlers- now that's entertainment!)
At this moment, I am incredibly out of shape, and that point was driven home when I played in an outdoor volleyball tournament at Autzen Stadium this past Saturday...I am now sore, sunburnt, and feeling older than I should. I would like to say that this will turn into motivation to work out, but I am not inclined to lie to you, internet.
I will say that the whole day was fun, though. Being the competitive group that we were, we played "poorly but with enthusiasm" as Kent would say. I am pretty sure that overall, we set the sport of volleyball back at least 30 years, but we had a good time, and made it to the semi-finals before losing to the U of Oregon basketball team, who had also picked up the DS of the year in the Pac-10 to play for them. I wanted to call "Bollocks" on that because they drafted her from a losing team, but really I was just mad that we didn't think of it first.
All in all, it was a pretty day to play, and even though I spent the last day of my weekend praying for death because of the dreaded triple S: Soreness, sunburn, and Sunday Blahs, it was a great day. I also achieved my "base burn" so now I can be my patented summer medium rare.
Busy afternoon because I am picking up the Jordan girls from daycare for the first time, so we will see if they are crazy enough to let a couple of toddlers go home with me...Hee Hee!
I am now going to send out the URL to this blog to my friends and (selected) family. I will be monitoring the number of people who visit constantly because I like to see the number of views as an ego boost (or deflator), you can decide.
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